


Let me Love you

by AliceNightmary



Series: The Diamond in the Sky and the Treasure in the Sea, Lovers for Eternity. [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Blood, Cutting, Depression, Jason saves him, M/M, Percy is in a bad place, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6259810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceNightmary/pseuds/AliceNightmary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to "You're Special"</p><p>Annabeth had broken up with Percy, left him for Reyna. Percy feels alone and lost and he needs help more than anything. But it's just so easy to give up. Percy feels sorry for himself  and hates himself for who he is. He feels it's time for him to go back to the Underworld and meet his uncle. The right way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let me Love you

"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.. I'm so, so sorry"

 

Percy was murmuring those words over and over again. Though, why he was sorry, he didn't really know. For what reason and why? And would anyone accept his apologies? Percy doubted it. There was no point. Wasn't worth forgiveness. Was too far gone. He was too far gone. Percy just couldn't... He couldn't.. Not anymore. She didn't need him anymore. Didn't want him. Hated him. She didn't forgive him. Would never forgive him. He wasn't worth anything to her.

His right eye still stung a bit where Reyna punched him. He deserved it. Deserved the pain. Deserved every pain the Fates would give him. He made her cry. How could he do that? She was suffering just as much as he was, maybe even more. She deserved every happiness that came her way.. Even if he would never be a part of it. Even if he had to be the one watching from the sidelines. She was meant to be happy. To give her smile to the world. 

Percy smiled weakly. He loved her smile. Annabeth had the most beautiful smile in the world. Even when she was insulting him, Percy couldn't get mad. He was always captivated by her smile. So giving her up, was the hardest thing to do. Watching her in the arms of another broke him, or at least what was left of him from Tartarus. 

But Annabeth didn't love him anymore.

"I'm sorry.. Sorry. I'm sorry..."

Percy felt numb now. How long had he been laying on the cold hard floor? It felt like hours, but he knew that was impossible. It must have been just seconds, minutes maybe. He just wanted it to be over. His hands felt cold, the fingertips freezing. Even though is body felt numb, his wrists felt sore. Soon. Percy was sure of it. Soon he would't feel anything anymore. He would finally be free. No one would blame him of anything now... Or maybe they would find everything to blame him. Everything. Anything. He wouldn't mind. At least he wouldn't be able to hear any of it. Hear how much of a fuck up he was. How selfish he was. How much of an asshole he was for hurting the love of his life.

Unless of course that would be his own personal Hell in the Underworld. His uncle always had amazing ideas when it came to punishments for the Damned. 

Percy's eyes drooped. He was cold. He felt cold. But Percy now questioned himself. The same question everyone ask when they're about to die.

_Would anyone miss me?_

Percy tried to clench his fists, he didn't know if he did or not since he couldn't feel his hands at all, but he hoped he did and just continued to lay on the floor. He didn't feel the need to get up at all. He was sure that if he did, he would feel his body ache and the only reason he felt numb now was because he was laying still. 

Percy may have wanted to die, but he didn't want to feel an agonizing pain throughout his last moments, even though his wrists did hurt.

"Pills would have been better.." Percy croaked. He didn't realize how dry his throat was. 

Pills could have been better, but there was no way he could get a set amount of pills to do the deed. Will wouldn't have let him. He would have questioned him and probably give him a mental evaluation before giving him even _one_ pill.

The idea made Percy laugh and he instantly regretted it. 

His once numb body was now hit with a wave of pain. He knew what his arms must have looked like. Riptide next to him, covered in blood. His wrists probably was covered in blood as well, most likely both of his arms. His clothes felt soaking wet, so he had to be in a pool of his own blood. How much blood did he lose?

Percy groaned and closed his eyes. He could barely keep them open anymore so why try? Why try anything? His heart felt heavy and broken. His will to keep going was lost. Tartarus took everything from him. Destroyed everything within him. It was time for him to go back to the Underworld.. The right way.

Something grabbed a hold of him which forced Percy to open his eyes, even though his eyelids did seem to protest, he couldn't close them unless he blinked, but even then.. Percy didn't want to look away.

Jason had Percy in his arms, holding him tight, or at least Percy thought it was tight. He couldn't really feel much anymore. 

Jason was shaking, trembling. His eyes wide and full of fear and sadness. Percy couldn't help but reach to touch his face. The sad expression didn't belong on his best friend's face. Jason shouldn't be here anyway. Why was he here? He should have gone back to New Rome yesterday... Along with Reyna and Annabeth.. Frank.. Hazel.. 

"Why?.. You fucking idiot! Why?!" He shook Percy harshly. "Are you that fucking selfish?!" Percy's lip quivered, unable to answer. He hated the yelling, the screaming. Loud voices just made him cower even more, though since Percy could't hide, his solution was to curl a little, making him seem small as Jason held him.

"Do you have any idea how badly you'll hurt people by leaving like this?! Annabeth? Nico? Me?? Damn it Jackson, what about your mother?!" Jason shouted even louder than Percy would have liked. His mother, Percy didn't think about his mom. What kind of shit-fuck was he to not even think about his own mother. His mother who probably cried when he never returned home last year. How depressed she must have been during Christmas. How alone she was during New Years.. But..

"Mom has Paul... He.. He would make her happy.. Keep her happy. Annabeth wouldn't care.. She has Reyna.. Reyna would make sure she would never be sad. Ever again.. And Nico just had a minor crush on me.. It's not like he loved me or anything.. He would.. Move on" Percy replied hoarsely. His throat was real fucken dry and talking hurt more than Percy would have thought.

Jason gritted his teeth and buried his face against Percy's neck. "And me? What about me, you moron?.. What about me? You can't just leave me." Percy gasped a bit as Jason bolted up, stepping quickly into the bathroom and turning the faucet on. Percy tried to jerk away, but everywhere throbbed with pain. He couldn't move much at all. Jason gently held Percy's arms under the cool water. Tears were streaming down Percy's cheeks. He was saved. Saved by his friend, who shouldn't have been here in the first place. Saved by someone who cared.  

Percy choked on his sobs, he was so lost and very afraid. He was so close. He would have died, but Jason just had to come. Jason had to save him. Why couldn't he just have left Percy alone to die?! Why didn't he go with the others back to New Rome where he belonged.

The deep wounds on his wrists were clearing up. Leaving faint scars, scars that seemed years old rather than just seconds.

Jason turned off the faucet and carried Percy out of the bathroom, bridal style. Percy breathed deeply and rubbed his wrists. He still felt a bit numb and weak, but he felt better.. And he hated himself for feeling better. He didn't want to feel better..

"Why are you even here, Grace? You're not supposed to be here.." Percy whispered, wiping away the fallen tears on his face.

"I was.. I wanted to stay because of Piper. I passed by your Cabin and.. And everything just felt wrong. The air felt wrong.. I had to know if you were okay. And then.." Jason placed Percy on one of the beds and laid beside him. His arms still holding onto him, as if Jason was afraid Percy would disappear. 

Percy shook his head and hid behind his hands. "You shouldn't have saved me.. You shouldn't have! I didn't want to be saved!"

"Percy.." Jason tried to speak in a calming manner, but Percy cried, tears falling again.

"I wanted to DIE!" He screeched and before Percy could get another word out, he was interrupted by Jason.

Or rather, Percy's lips were stopped by Jason's.

It took a few seconds, but Percy regained his composure and pushed Jason off with what little strength he had.

"What.. What the father's name did.. Why did you?!"

Jason looked shocked as well, as if he himself didn't realize what he did. But grabbing Percy's shoulders, he pinned the Son of Poseidon down and looked down, no, glared down at him. 

"I won't let you die.. Everything the campers here said about you.. The fighting we did together.. The bravery you showed me at the Doors of Death.. Percy.. I.. I lo-"

Percy covered Jason's mouth. "No... No you're not. You're with Piper. W-what's wrong with you?"

Jason gently removed Percy's hand and pulled him closer. "That doesn't matter. I'll deal with that.. later. I think even she knows that a made up love story between me and her doesn't mean anything unless we truly do love each other.. Percy." Jason ran his fingers through Percy's silken black hair. "Percy, I care about you. I won't let you die. I'll annoy you. I'll stay with you. There's nothing you can do to get rid of me now.. I can't let you.. I won't let you be alone in this Cabin. And knowing the rules about campers not being in their own Cabin is almost like a crime.. I'm going to force you to move in with me in New Rome. 

Percy shook his head again, now his body was shaking. "You.. You can't force me.."

"Oh, yes I will. I will not allow you to give yourself another chance.. Another chance to hurt yourself. I'll stay with you here for a week, but after that. You will come with me to New Rome. I swear on the River Styx I will drag you with me, Jackson" A low growl escaped Jason's lips, making Percy whimper. He wasn't one to give up and he knew Jason wasn't going to give up either. Percy didn't want to be a bother. That's what he was, but feeling Jason's warmth. Hearing Jason's determination. Percy felt something he hadn't felt in days, perhaps in weeks. He felt alive.

Jason's words made him feel alive.

Percy weakly gripped Jason's shirt and buried his face against his chest. The pain inside of Percy forced its way out and Percy cried. He couldn't hold back. He wasn't quiet at all. That moment as he felt Jason cradle him, like he was the most precious thing in the world, he cried his heart out. Something he hadn't done since Luke's death. Something he needed to do.

Jason rubbed Percy's back slow and soft. "Please..." he whispered. "Please, let me love you.."

Percy sniffed and choked back another sob from escaping. There was no way he would. He didn't deserve anyone's love. He needed to push Jason away, stop Jason from entering his walls. Or else..

 

" _Okay_.."

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm still writing short stories and sorry I don't post regularly. I have no excuse really, but Work and babysitting my brothers really take a lot out of me and I don't have time to write unless I for sure don't have work the for at least two or three days. I will try to post more from now on, but (And as bad as it may sound) I can't make any promises.
> 
> Comments are appreciated! I love all of your critique! Please let me know how I can make my stories better.  
> My Tumblr is AliceNightmary


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